Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Down, but not out

If you follow this blog, then you know that this month has not been a good one for my challenge. I started out valiantly trying to see the sunrise and it died pretty quickly. Truthfully, with my nocturnal tendancies, seeing the sunrise every day was just not feasible. But that's okay. I saw a couple and I was well rested for the rest of my life this month. And this month has been crazy. Women hurting me, guests visiting, work kicking my butt. September will be a busy month for me too, but I hope that my September challenge will fit into my life a little easier.

This coming month's challenge comes straight out of Eat, Pray, Love. I went to see the movie a couple of weeks ago and I loved it. I thought it was a great movie that you had to be in the right (or wrong) place emotionally to truly appreciate. If you've seen it, then that should tell you where I've been emotionally. I have been lost in the soul of another person and, while I still love her, I want to move out of her soul and back into my own.

I thought for a while that my efforts to focus on who I am rather than who I am with her were selfish. I thought that I should be focusing outwards, on other people I love, rather than inwards on myself. But you know what? I love myself and I have to keep working on that. I am not always an easy to person to love (yes, I do know that) but there are a lot of things about myself that are wonderful. When I get lost in the soul of a woman who doesn't want me, it's too easy to only see the flaws she sees. So now for the challenge.

I am not a meditating person. The idea of sitting in one place thinking about nothing is kind of painful and boring sounding to me. I don't have any interest in yoga (although tai chi sounds appealing). So this month, I will meditate. As the creepy old guy with no teeth told Liz in the movie, I will meditate and smile. Smile with my face, smile with brain, smile with my liver. Not really sure how I'm going to achieve the last one, but I will try. I will try to meditate for 10 minutes a day, more if I feel the need to. It's a pretty well documented fact that smiling will make you happy and I need that. So, if you are like me and you need to be happy with who you are again, I would also challenge you to join me. Join me in making yourself happy and not relying on someone else to do it for you.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Sunrise and worship

As of this morning, I have seen the sun rise twice this month. The first two days of the month I was too tired to stay up that late, but I managed it on the 3rd. This morning's sunrise was interrupted by my father waking up and turning a bunch of lights on. In order to really appreciate the shifts in the natural light, one must not be surrounded by artificial light.

I've been enjoying watching the sunrise, actually. We have a pond in our backyard with a lot of animals living there, so it's fun to listen to the birds wake up. It's silent one moment, then one bird makes a noise, and then whole set of them start talking. I also like watching the shifts in light. I studied stage lighting in college, so it's fun to look at the colors in the sunrise and compare them to the colors in the sunset. I like watching the leaves on the trees go from one dark blob to barely distinguishable individual dark leaves to green leaves.

Watching the sun rise also makes me wish I was into Earth worship. I don't actually want to worship the Earth, but I think it's silly to remove the Earth's cycles and properties from your worship of the Creator. Watching the sunrise makes me want to be in a circle with candles at the four corners, chanting and singing. Maybe that sounds silly, but it's what I want. I don't actually think I will (my father would not be pleased to wake up to me chanting) but it's a nice thought. This morning I ended up thinking more about a personal situation than what I was watching though and I kind of wished I didn't have to sit there with nothing to do but think and watch.